PRAISE THE LORD for helping me GET RID OF 100lbs. of "old me" that had been carried around for SO long. I never would've imagined in all my short 20-something years on this earth that I could even be capable of doing what I viewed as the Impossible (that word doesn't exist anyway... the word itself says "I'm Possible" lol, Audrey Hepburn quote ;P) Just 21 short months ago (that's 1-year and 9 months for anyone that's counting :P), I was DESPERATE for a change in my life. I had reached a dead-end in my body and in my mind that I just couldn't to tolerate any longer. The hypertension, the pre-diabetes, weighing over 250 lbs., the anxiety and agoraphobia struggles that I had no idea was associated with me being obese and overweight, the feeling of being judged by others and most of all by myself just because of my size, the body pains, emotionally binge eating comfort food (which didn't even comfort me anymore because I was feeling THAT sad on the inside), and just all the discomforts and liabilities that come with being morbidly obese at only 5'3 1/2 had really broken me down. I remember waking up sad, going to bed sad, and basically feeling sad internally (always trying to smile on the outside) all day because of the body I was in, never feeling like I was really living at my heaviest, just merely existing behind a shell.
By August 2011, after only half-committing to Weight Watchers for barely 1 or 2 weeks just 2 months earlier (at the time I wasn't mentally ready to give up my binge/emotional eating habits), I was finally getting sick and tired of being SICK, STUCK and TIRED! My final push came on August 21, 2011 lol, when my grandma (gotta love her!) came right up to me at her house, patted me on my huge belly (I was wearing that shirt up at the top in my 'before' on the left haha, I thought it was my 'comfy' top) and said "What's this??", sort of teasing... but she had no idea the feelings I had been facing everyday up until that point. Truth be told, that was the straw that broke MY camel's back, and till this day and Forevermore I'll be SO GRATEFUL for that push my grandma (still doesn't know she)gave me to make a change.♥
"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."-John 10:10
At that moment something clicked in my mind. I was finally wide awake out of that dim world that was abusing food and myself to comfort or numb any pain or insecurity and finally waking up to my reality, the fact that I was killing myself with food and it was embarrassingly obvious on the outside. Food is fuel. It can used as medicine or as a slow poison. It has no feelings, it doesn't talk back to us (despite how comforting it may make us feel temporarily), it's there to be treated with respect and in healthy harmony with our bodies(which we should love and embrace, no matter what size we are). I was ready to live a fresh, new life as a NEW person, and I was ready to leave behind that sad and miserable one that I had had since forever, for dead. ;P
"Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!"-2 Corinthians 5:17
That night I cried and prayed to God to help me make a Forever Lifestyle change. I remember talking to Him and saying that if Jesus died for each and every one of us that would Believe, then I know that I want EVERYTHING that He said we could have. He LOVES us so much that He died so we could Live and have a MORE Abundant life (both naturally and spiritually). :) So then if God says we can have it, then who are we NOT to Believe and walk out on His faithful promises! ;)
"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]."- Romans 12:2
With a new, transformed mindset (Thanks be to GOD!), I knew that all I needed to do now was get back together with Weight Watchers, and this time make it OFFICIAL (sort of like a relationship lol). I had determined in my mind that this was a non-negotiable lifestyle for me and that I would commit to my Plan one baby step at a time, no limits, no expectations, no way out, no other options. That Monday, August 22nd, I went to my Weight Watchers meeting after feeling embarrassed or ashamed for not having committed in the past, and was surprisingly welcomed by my Leader as she discussed her battles with weight and hardships in life and how she didn't give up to lose her 85 lbs. :) There were also other members there who said they were falling off track or having a hard time, and I felt at that moment a true sense of comfort in knowing we could all just be real honest and talk about the truth of losing weight and coping with challenges at the same time. I left the meeting that night feeling better, like I knew I was in the right place, and I just prayed that God would help me on this journey to make the right choice.
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."- 2 Timothy 1:7
The next morning, Tuesday, August 23, 2011, was the morning of my new lifestyle. Out of all the failed diet attempts, all the giving up, all the not believing in myself in the past, this time... I wanted to be HEALTHY for ME! :) For the first time, I looked at my body (weighing 257.4 lbs. at my heaviest)and with prayer and holding onto God's hand like a child who depends on their Dad for EVERY step, I decided to start LOVING my body. Just accepting me for where I am and loving every part of me with a desire to simply do this for my health and to someday live at a healthy weight range for me. My theory is to say positive things until you Believe that it's true. No matter how big my stomach was, or how large my hips and thighs were, I was going to love them anyway.. no comparisons, just believing in and loving myself Beautiful. I didn't think I would make it for one week to be honest, but I agreed to myself that I would only live the Plan just for today. If tomorrow came and I didn't want to do this anymore (or so I thought) then fine, but at least commit to the Plan by giving it all you've got today. That thinking made me feel relaxed, non-judgmental of myself or as though I was on a specific timeline, and just allowed me to slowly fall down, make mistakes, and get picked back up time and time again.
Thank God for getting me through that first week because after that I had the confidence to pray for guidance through another day and another week, and before long a whole month had gone by. I fumbled and fell plenty of times, had frustrations, injuries from trying workouts that were too advanced, stress from over-thinking about the scale, and just a lot of times where I thought I wanted to throw in the towel, or skip meetings or say to hell with tracking and just eat, eat, eat, etc. I've done all of that, but thank GOD, I didn't quit my Lifestyle Plan. Fast forward almost 2 years and a whole lotta sweat, tears and small changes later, and I'll still tell you the same exact thing I said to myself since I made a commitment to the Plan that Tuesday in August,
simply take it JUST for TODAY, one baby step at a time.
25 lbs. gone/232 lbs.
just over 60 lbs. gone/around 190s
also just over 60 lbs. gone
85 lbs. gone/172 lbs.
also around 172 lbs.
So this is how I got started. And thank God for helping each and every one of us slowly move forward in this Lifestyle forever, since this is LIFE, not a diet, and there is no finish line to loving and taking care of the only bodies we have and that depend on our love. So when my Receptionist hugged me today and told me that I should tell my story and share support with all the other meeting members, I have to say it kind of draws me back a bit. Not because I don't want to share inspiration and support (hence why this blog is created), but because it was me who sat in size 24W capris or shorts and I heard others saying they lost 5%, 10%, 25 lbs., 30 lbs., 40 and even 119 lbs. right there before me in meetings, yet I slowly went from thinking "Nah, I don't know if I could do that" to "You know what, maybe someday".. and then to "Yes I can! Yes I will! I'm working toward that today!!" Anything is possible if only you Believe. DON'T ever go back on yourself, get back up, know that I love and support you and want you to just pray and see that
YES YOU CAN!
100 lbs. gone/in the 150s
"Change is a Process, It Comes Little By Little"
- Joyce Meyer
PRAISE THE LORD for helping me GET RID OF 100lbs. of "old me" that had been carried around for SO long. I never would've imagined in all my short 20-something years on this earth that I could even be capable of doing what I viewed as the Impossible (that word doesn't exist anyway... the word itself says "I'm Possible" lol, Audrey Hepburn quote ;P) Just 21 short months ago (that's 1-year and 9 months for anyone that's counting :P), I was DESPERATE for a change in my life. I had reached a dead-end in my body and in my mind that I just couldn't to tolerate any longer. The hypertension, the pre-diabetes, weighing over 250 lbs., the anxiety and agoraphobia struggles that I had no idea was associated with me being obese and overweight, the feeling of being judged by others and most of all by myself just because of my size, the body pains, emotionally binge eating comfort food (which didn't even comfort me anymore because I was feeling THAT sad on the inside), and just all the discomforts and liabilities that come with being morbidly obese at only 5'3 1/2 had really broken me down. I remember waking up sad, going to bed sad, and basically feeling sad internally (always trying to smile on the outside) all day because of the body I was in, never feeling like I was really living at my heaviest, just merely existing behind a shell.
By August 2011, after only half-committing to Weight Watchers for barely 1 or 2 weeks just 2 months earlier (at the time I wasn't mentally ready to give up my binge/emotional eating habits), I was finally getting sick and tired of being SICK, STUCK and TIRED! My final push came on August 21, 2011 lol, when my grandma (gotta love her!) came right up to me at her house, patted me on my huge belly (I was wearing that shirt up at the top in my 'before' on the left haha, I thought it was my 'comfy' top) and said "What's this??", sort of teasing... but she had no idea the feelings I had been facing everyday up until that point. Truth be told, that was the straw that broke MY camel's back, and till this day and Forevermore I'll be SO GRATEFUL for that push my grandma (still doesn't know she)gave me to make a change.♥
"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."-John 10:10
At that moment something clicked in my mind. I was finally wide awake out of that dim world that was abusing food and myself to comfort or numb any pain or insecurity and finally waking up to my reality, the fact that I was killing myself with food and it was embarrassingly obvious on the outside. Food is fuel. It can used as medicine or as a slow poison. It has no feelings, it doesn't talk back to us (despite how comforting it may make us feel temporarily), it's there to be treated with respect and in healthy harmony with our bodies(which we should love and embrace, no matter what size we are). I was ready to live a fresh, new life as a NEW person, and I was ready to leave behind that sad and miserable one that I had had since forever, for dead. ;P
"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]."- Romans 12:2
With a new, transformed mindset (Thanks be to GOD!), I knew that all I needed to do now was get back together with Weight Watchers, and this time make it OFFICIAL (sort of like a relationship lol). I had determined in my mind that this was a non-negotiable lifestyle for me and that I would commit to my Plan one baby step at a time, no limits, no expectations, no way out, no other options. That Monday, August 22nd, I went to my Weight Watchers meeting after feeling embarrassed or ashamed for not having committed in the past, and was surprisingly welcomed by my Leader as she discussed her battles with weight and hardships in life and how she didn't give up to lose her 85 lbs. :) There were also other members there who said they were falling off track or having a hard time, and I felt at that moment a true sense of comfort in knowing we could all just be real honest and talk about the truth of losing weight and coping with challenges at the same time. I left the meeting that night feeling better, like I knew I was in the right place, and I just prayed that God would help me on this journey to make the right choice.
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control."- 2 Timothy 1:7
The next morning, Tuesday, August 23, 2011, was the morning of my new lifestyle. Out of all the failed diet attempts, all the giving up, all the not believing in myself in the past, this time... I wanted to be HEALTHY for ME! :) For the first time, I looked at my body (weighing 257.4 lbs. at my heaviest)and with prayer and holding onto God's hand like a child who depends on their Dad for EVERY step, I decided to start LOVING my body. Just accepting me for where I am and loving every part of me with a desire to simply do this for my health and to someday live at a healthy weight range for me. My theory is to say positive things until you Believe that it's true. No matter how big my stomach was, or how large my hips and thighs were, I was going to love them anyway.. no comparisons, just believing in and loving myself Beautiful. I didn't think I would make it for one week to be honest, but I agreed to myself that I would only live the Plan just for today. If tomorrow came and I didn't want to do this anymore (or so I thought) then fine, but at least commit to the Plan by giving it all you've got today. That thinking made me feel relaxed, non-judgmental of myself or as though I was on a specific timeline, and just allowed me to slowly fall down, make mistakes, and get picked back up time and time again.
Thank God for getting me through that first week because after that I had the confidence to pray for guidance through another day and another week, and before long a whole month had gone by. I fumbled and fell plenty of times, had frustrations, injuries from trying workouts that were too advanced, stress from over-thinking about the scale, and just a lot of times where I thought I wanted to throw in the towel, or skip meetings or say to hell with tracking and just eat, eat, eat, etc. I've done all of that, but thank GOD, I didn't quit my Lifestyle Plan. Fast forward almost 2 years and a whole lotta sweat, tears and small changes later, and I'll still tell you the same exact thing I said to myself since I made a commitment to the Plan that Tuesday in August, simply take it JUST for TODAY, one baby step at a time.
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